Teacher: if 1+1=2, 2+2=4, what is 4+4?
Students: Not fair teacher, you answered the easiest ones and leave the hard one for us.
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
Police: You’ll get your chance in court.
Man: No, no no! I want to ask the burglar about how he got into the house without waking my wife…I have been trying for years. ^^
Dad: i just created a fb account. can u teach me how 2 play?
Daughter: huh? u created fb…WTF!
Dad: what does WTF mean?
Daughter: oh, it means Welcome To Facenook.
Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an “I”.
Student: I is the….
Teacher: Stop! Never put ‘is’ after an “I”. Always put ‘am’ after an “I”.
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
Doctor: I have some good news and some bad news.
Man: OK, give me the good news first.
Doctor: The good news is, you have 24 hours to live.
Man: Oh no! If that’s the good news, then what’s the bad news?
Doctor: The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.
Little Lily: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Little Lily, MAY I go to the bathroom?
Little Johnny: But I asked first!
A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. It’s a boy or a girl?
B: It’s a girl. She is my daughter.
A: Oh I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t know that you were her father.
B: I’m not. I’m her mother.
Boy: Will you kiss me?
Girl: No, I never will.
Boy: Did you hear what I said?
Boy: What did I said?
Girl: Will you kiss me?
Boy: YES!!! ^^
Son: Dad, I’m hungry.
Dad: hi hungry. Nice to meet you.
Son: Dad, I’m serious.
Dad: I thought you were hungry…
Son: Are you kidding me?
Dad: No, I’m dad 😀
Man: Why did you make women so beautiful?
God: So that you will love them.
Man: But why did you make them so dumb?
God: So that they will love you.
Husband: Today is holiday n I want to have REST, so i bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why 3?
Husband: 1 for u n 2 for yr parents?